God Dreams
This may sound weird to some of you but I rarely remember my dreams and God rarely speaks to me through my dreams. This morning was different. As my wife and I began our routine this morning I “remembered“ a very fresh, recent moment with God in which He brought something to my attention. As I was “remembering“ this moment I realized the moment didn’t happen. It was the recollection of a moment that “happened“ in a dream from the previous night’s sleep.
A little background would be helpful I think. For the past couple of years God and I have been working on an area of “stuckness“ in my life that has affected my interactions with others. He helped me to see that my “Goliath issue“ had been resurrected from the dead. (More on “Goliath issues“ later.) My #1, all-time, ruling A.N.T. (Automatic Negative Thought) had re-seeded itself in the subconscious, identity-level, emotional tone-setting part of my brain/soul. The all encompassing phrase that captures the essence of the ANT is “I am a disappointment.“ That particular ANT took root in my soul in my childhood (as almost all do). I believed I was a disappointment to my father. This began a pattern of comparison, insecurity, and a sense of inferiority. It flavored virtually everything I wanted in life —- the friends I pursued, the girls/women I felt confident to approach, and even the path that I chose for my life. Into my 30s I lived with a sense of unworthiness that I felt disqualified me from the very things I desired in life. It blinded me from seeing all the awesome people God had placed in my life as friends and teammates and it blocked my ability to enjoy the areas of my life in which I did have unique competence.
So much for “a little background“. In my late 30s and early 40s God graciously helped me to see the awesome things I am now honored to teach and as a result we cut Goliath’s head off. Meaning we dethroned my master lie, the ANT hiding in my deepest thoughts - “I am a disappointment“. Sadly, as I’ve already said, the ANT returned and brought a more subtle and sneaky cycle into my life and it had a big impact on my interactions with others.
So, what did God bring to my attention this morning? He gently and lovingly pointed out that I have become too comfortable and too quick to speak truth before it’s time (Prov 25:11) and at a level of intensity that is outside of most people‘s comfort zone (Eph 4:29).